Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
