So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
