Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
