Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
