I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
