If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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