It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
