bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
