No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can you bring me the toilet please
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
