I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
