can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
