I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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