I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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