She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
