I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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