You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
