woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
