Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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