if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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