dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
