His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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