I want you more than these girls want KFC
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
