I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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