he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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