her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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