It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
