If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
