I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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