I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
