his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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