her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
