I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
