Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
