so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
