Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
