I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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