i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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