I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
