OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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