dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
