Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
