Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
