Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
