I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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