i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
