I'm jealous of your bromance
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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