What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
