what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
