dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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