threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
do nipples grow back?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
