she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
