I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
