Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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