I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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